Posted: 5 November 2018
The stereotype says that having a kid brings a couple closer together, and that can be true in the short-term. But in the long-term, combining marriage and kids can cause a couple to argue more, communicate less, and become distant from one another.
There are a few reasons for that, including an uneven division of household chores. Research shows that wives and husbands do about the same amount of housework before kids. But by a few months after the baby is born, women are doing an average of 13 more hours of child care and housework per week.
That kind of inequality is a recipe for resentment, as are some other things. Keep reading to find out strategies for dealing with marriage struggles after baby.
Prioritize Your Relationship After Kids
When it’s just the two of you, it’s much easier to go on on a spontaneous date night. Marriage after children looks much different.
Kids are the center of your world, especially when they’re at their tiniest and most vulnerable. But if partners can’t take time to see each other as lovers rather than co-parents, things can go downhill fast.
It’s common for parents to get anxious about leaving their kids with other caretakers, and no one is saying you have to do that when your baby is a month old.
You should find a trusted babysitter well before your child’s first birthday. The longer you go without a mutual break, the harder it’s going to be to view each other in a romantic light.
Some couples have luck scheduling sex with each other. Even if you don’t do that, try to connect with each other physically as often as possible. Hugging and cuddling can be as important as other kinds of intimacy.
Get Help with Communication
If you’re having marriage problems after kids, you can’t wait to address them. The longer you go without addressing them, the easier it’s going to be to look at your spouse with resentment rather than love.
You may be thinking that you don’t have time for counseling. That’s a mental trap you use to justify not taking any action. Making an appointment with a counselor now is better than making an appointment with a divorce lawyer a few years down the line.
If getting to a therapist’s office feels impossible, look into marriage coaching online. This allows you to hash out your issues without leaving home.
Marriage and Kids Can Co-Exist
You can’t put your marriage in survival mode when your kids are young. If you do that, you may find that there’s no marriage left to speak of once the last child leaves the home.
Combining marriage and kids means finding a way to cherish both. It’s not something you work at for a week and then forget about a year. It has to be a constant effort that both partners make.
Show kindness to each other buying gifts on birthdays and anniversaries, or for no reason at all. Husbands looking for gift ideas for their wives should check out our blog for a list ofgifts many women love.